Three years already?! Our Chinavesary

Last month marked our 3 year Chinaversay, marking the day we landed in China.  The time has gone quickly, or at least that is how it has felt recently.  Maybe I’ve forgotten a bit of the tough parts from the first 6 months of living overseas!

The day we moved to China...LBean was 5, EBean was
2 1/2, Jamie was, well he was younger too!

We’ve been in the US for nearly 7 weeks this summer while ChinaBean had her latest heart surgery.  One of the most common questions we’ve gotten is, “So when are you moving back?” or “How much longer do you have over there?”  Hmmm, that is a really great question.  Being flexible seems to be paramount in the life of an expat.  If you weren’t flexible before, living overseas will force you to become flexible.  So, our answer must remain flexible.  

We *think* we’ll be moving back to the US next summer.  But, until our feet hit the ground on US soil, I can’t be for certain.  Some companies with overseas employees have specific lengths of contracts, but Jamie’s company does not.  In fact, we were told to expect 18-24 months in China and here we are at almost 37 months!

As we prepare to fly back to China next week for possibly our last (?) year, I’m feeling the full range of emotions.  Sadness and excitement all wrapped together, but also tempered with a realistic dose of until “they” tell us to pack our bags, it’s best to just enjoy it.  Don’t borrow tomorrow’s troubles, right?!

I interviewed Jamie and the girls about their feelings about living in China as we reflected on our three years abroad.  ChinaBean didn't participate in my interview.  Maybe next year.

Favorite thing about China…LBean and Ebean weren’t sure, but Jamie said the food and he quickly followed up with the warm, friendly smiles from the people.  For me, it is the sense of adventure around every corner.  If I want to go find an adventure, I don’t have to go far.

Least favorite thing about China…LBean said she does not like being away from family and for EBean, it was climbing the Great Wall all the way (“seriously”, she said).  Jamie said it was the pollution.  That has certainly become my least favorite part, especially this past year.

Hiking the Great Wall for the second time.

Favorite Food…LBean loves the sweet & sour pork, EBean likes the rice and Jamie loves the spicy tofu and the Chinese Muslim food (me too!).

In Old Town, Fall 2011

Favorite/least favorite things about the apartment….LBean & EBean didn’t have an answer, Jamie likes the view, but misses having a garden.  I love being so close to the vegetable market, Starbucks, restaurants, the subway, my favorite nail/massage place, etc.  I love being able to walk or ride my bike to my favorite spots.

Favorite thing about Suzhou…LBean loves the Chinese opera (and I do mean loves it)!  EBean had no comment and Jamie said he likes the gardens and greenery.  I love the juxtaposition of old, specifically Old Town, with the new (like the area around our apartment).

Things we miss about America…LBean misses family (me too), EBean misses water slides (hmmm, ok?) and Jamie misses not being able to drive himself around.  Besides Target, I miss being around the familiar…familiar language, places and people.  It is (very) mentally taxing trying to navigate a world where you don’t speak the language very well.

Will there be a 4 year Chinaversary?!  Your guess is as good as mine.

1 Year Anniversary

Happy 1-year anniversary!  We have survived our first year in China.  Thanks to everyone who have supported us and said that we could do it.  Some days I wasn’t so sure myself! It has been a long time since I have cried about having a China day although I know another will creep up on me someday.

I’m not sure how to sum the first year up, but I completely agree with our cultural trainers assessment that when living abroad the “highs are higher and the lows are lower”.  We have had some amazing experiences during the first year, but in so doing, we have given up some things, too.  My mom has reminded me a few times that it is all a trade-off.  Yes, I can buy some inexpensive pearls (not the ones I’ve given as gifts to friends and family, of course!), but it took me moving my entire family to a foreign county to make that possible.

It’s all a trade-off...

I have an Ayi (housekeeper) that cleans my home, buys my fruit and veggies, and can watch my children.

Trade-off:

I have no family that is closer than a cross-Pacific flight to get my children off the bus if I am needed somewhere else or want to visit one daughter’s school while the other is at her school. Some days it takes a heroic effort to go the grocery store (or several stores) looking for one imported or hard-to-find ingredient because I had to schedule the driver, walk 20+ minutes, or take a taxi (or two).  And, it is dirty here, to put it simply.  It takes a lot of work to keep up with the dust, smog and dirt that gets tracked into our apartment.  Doing laundry is almost a full-time job in itself.  The dryer goes up to 200 minutes … I think that gives you an idea of the efficiency!

I have a driver.

Trade-off:  

I have to schedule everything.  There is no spontaneous hopping into a car to pick up a child from a friend’s house or stopping at a new store on a whim. What’s more is the driver knows everywhere I am going and what I am buying.  Privacy anyone?

My children attend stellar international schools with students from over 40+ countries.

Trade-off:

“Their” way is much different than “our” way and there is a lot of catch-up that needs to be done.  Also, it can be very isolating when your daughter is the only student in her class from North or South America.  Because, at recess the children tend to gravitate to children from their own countries so they can play with those kids that speak the same language, understand all of the cultural nuances, etc.  Adults are guilty of this too, because it’s just easier going to the familiar and it’s not necessarily on purpose 

There are great restaurants in town.

Trade-off:

It can be really hard to make a “quick and simple” American meal or to make it cheaply.  I have learned to make so many things from scratch: ground sausage (mixed my own seasonings and add it to ground pork), ricotta cheese, yogurt, crescent rolls, pizza crust, bread, cream of chicken soup, buttermilk and a few other things.  Why must all American casseroles require cream of chicken soup or Velveeta?! 

We have traveled to some amazing places in South East Asia.

Trade-off:

When we’re at home in Suzhou we work really hard.  This is the hardest Jamie has ever worked and the hours are long. He works a full day at the office and then comes home and puts in a few more hours on the phone in meetings with the US.  When visitors come to town there are business dinners, showing co-workers around town, helping them buy gifts for their wives & families, traveling to suppliers across China, and going back to the US every few months to visit the home office.  The mental work that it takes to live here is easily overlooked, but it really takes a toll on someone.  Trying to think and communicate in a second language, learn the cultural rules and expectations, and navigating a large city can be overwhelming.  And, you can’t escape it!  You can’t tell yourself that tomorrow I’m not going to do those things.  There have been a few times where I think back over the day and realize that it has been good because I haven’t left the house!  Vacations are a nice escape from all of this.

One of the most amazing trade-offs has got to be, although we are miles and miles from family and what is familiar to us, we are living in our third child’s birth country.  How crazy is that?!  Not many adoptive families get to have that experience.  This alone has made it all worthwhile.

So, are the “highs” worth the trade-off of the “lows”? So far! It has been a good first year and I have no regrets.  Here’s to year 2!

Another trade-off, it's inexpensive to go get our toes painted

on a rainy Saturday afternoon!

EBean, so patient and holding still!

LBean likes the massage function
on the pedicure chair!